Aplus.Net
| I had a traumatic occurence yesterday.My morning started fine.I got up, had my coffee, made a smoothie, ate some toast, clicked onto the internet, read some blogs, felt grateful... the standard stuff.It was just another Sunday.Around noon I took the dog for a run and the two of us did 5k.After that, I took a shower, blow dried my hair, did my makeup, and was putting the finishing touches on my whole presentation with a pair of diamond stud earrings (okay - they were actually cubic zirconia - but, whatever...)when I noticed movement to my left.I looked down toward the concrete fish statue in my master bathroom only to see a humungo, big, brown, hairy wolf spider peering out from between the statue and the tub - from the vantage point of the toilet, I had a pretty good view.I know!But what to do?Of course, at first I screamed.And then I went running down the hall for backup - the Hair - and we both ran back to the bathroom.The Hair was quite prepared to kill it - but he knows me better than that because, apparently, I am a Zen Buddhist.In other words, I needed to get this brown hairy creature of God out of the bathroom in order to set it free.So I grabbed my spider saving equipment: a McDonald?s glass tumbler and a David Bowie CD.The idea is to place the tumbler over the spider, let it crawl up the side of the glass, insert the cd underneath and then transport the spider to safety outdoors. |
| The idea is to place the tumbler over the spider, let it crawl up the side of the glass, insert the cd underneath and then transport the spider to safety outdoors.Except, this was the first rescue mission I had ever undertaken with a wolf spider.And as The Hair happily informed me after I had trapped the poor thing under the glass, wolf spiders don?t climb - they jump.Good freaking Lord.I now had a trapped hairy mongoose under glass with no way to transport.Unless...I tapped the glass just slightly and coaxed him up one side so that I could slide David Bowie underneath real quickly.By now, The Hair had gone back to playing X Box Live, and I was left to deal with my arachnid invader alone.I could do this.Deep breath and...tap tap tapLook!!!It was working.The spider was moving halfway up the glass.Enough time for me to insert David Bowie and...Sweet Jesus Mary and Joseph!!!!!!!!!!!!I just amputated one of it?s legs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!More screaming, eeeewwwing, and general freaking out followed and the Hair was again summoned.This time to let me know if the amputee under the glass was still alive.He assured me he was.So I picked up my precious cargo and made my way toward the front door - all the while thinking, "Hey, this would make a pretty good blog."I even went so far as to think that if I tripped the blog would be hilarious - but people, though I may be unbalanced and addicted, I?m not crazy.And as I lifted the tumbler and watched the poor creature scurry away, I couldn?t help but to hum the first stanza of Born Free.Oh shut up.You know I was singing.Pray with me that the amputated limb didn?t hurt too much.Have you ever done spider rescure or other such intervention?Enquring minds want to know!Happy Monday |
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Last Updated ( Thursday, 17 July 2008 )
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