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Shitsplosions, Remedial NASCAR, Wood Shop and |
Hostexcellence
| I'd really like to follow that toon blog with more animated silliness, but all I have today is some random doofosity.(Doofosity n. Collective acts of doofusness, the art of being a doofus).?I like to make up words, it makes me feel trendy, so what if people look at me as if I were from Mars?NASCAR
Today I went to the grocery store with John because we're old and stuff like that makes Monday that much more exciting.?We needed lunchmeat.?He needed lunchmeat, I just wanted to search for blog material and let's face it, the grocery store seems to be a prime breeding (or in this case inbreeding) ground.?When we were checking out I was looking at the magazine racks.?I saw what was probably the most hysterical publication I've seen for?a while.?It wasn't?joke book, or silly astrological scroll, or word search like they usually have up there.?It was a small book, entitled "The Idiot's Guide to NASCAR."?Isn't that redundant or something??Who is watching the race and thinking that they just don't get it.?Here's how it goes:?1.Buy a truck.?2.Put your favorite driver's sticker on it.?3.Get beer.?4.Drink and drive on your way to the race, or to Bubba's house to watch the race.?5.They drive in circles, move your face accordingly as you watch.?6.This is boring as hell unless there's an accident, so drink more.?See??I just did it in six simple steps.?What the hell could this be about??I almost had to buy it, just to find out.?It wouldn't be the first time I wasted $3.99 on an impulse buy at the register (sudoku puzzles).SHOOTING RUBBER BANDSI recently taught my 10 yr.old how to properly load a rubber band on his finger for maximum ass-stingage.?What in the hell is wrong with me??So for all of you out there who need to defend yourself against something like scary raccoons at summer camp and whatnot,?look at the pics above.?Place the band as shown in the first picture.?Aim, and release pinky by bending the tip back.?Greg D. taught me this in Chemistry class.?It's the most important thing I learned there.?I don't know why I remember that he taught me, but I do.?Picture two is just me without makeup and messy hair, showing you that I have rubber band skills, and a new camera that?I like to play with.3.THE SHELVES
? I live in a really old, brick?house.?Aluminum siding would be an update, that's how old it is.? |
| Aluminum siding would be an update, that's how old it is.?There isn't enough closet or pantry space.?This is the crowded little pantry.?On Sunday, John decided to buy more unnecessary cereal so he could eat one bowl and I could throw?the rest?away in 3 months when it's really, really stale.?I couldn't find anywhere to keep this cereal.?I found some wood, fired up the saw, and built the two tiny shelves that you see on the left.?They're not stained or anything.?I did the leveling freehand.?Levels and stain are for pussies.?I'm so proud of myself.?I think Mr. Wenrich, my 7th grade wood shop teacher would probably give it a C+, which is fine.?Let's face it, Ralphie got a C+ on his theme and still got the BB gun.?Geez, is there enough shit in that cabinet??I have to clean this out.??I'm not anal enough, you'll notice, to tidy it for the blog.?4.THE SWEARING
After explaining for the umpteenth (which comes after eleventy, but before a bazillion) time that 10 yr.old boys do not need cell phones, I had one pissed kid who refused to eat dinner.?I don't usually have a difficult time getting him to smile.?I cannot remember what I was talking about, but I made up and used the word "shitsplosion."?This would be like a huge explosion of stuff, like "she flung a shitsplosion of mashed potatoes?all over the wall."?I didn't really intend to say it out loud, but I did.?This caused my 13 yr.old daughter, who I know swears at school, (because I did back when dinosaurs roamed the earth) to try out swearing in front of the old lady.?I apologize to all of those perfect parents out there, but I laughed.?Then, I attempted to?tell her through said laughter, to stop swearing.?It was too late, as the giggling virtually gave her permission to continue saying "shitsplosion."?My son had to run to the sink so that he could spit his Coke out, rather than have a "shitsplosion" come out of his nose.Ok, so here's my question.?Can you remember the first time that you swore in front of your parents, and/or the reaction?P.S.?My darling little sweetiecakes angel daughter does NOT continue to swear.?She knows that it was only funny in that moment.?For Supper: Hamburger Helper - Cheeseburger Macaroni (is there any other kind?)?(I had frozen vegan burritos).Judi's blog rocks!?Please go read.Blogophilia points: Scary raccoon, aluminum siding, and if I were from Mars.?Bonus? |
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Last Updated ( Thursday, 17 July 2008 )
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