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The lastest episode on Days of our effing liv |
Host Gator Reviews
| So for those of you who don't know (which isn't very many), my husband and I are getting divorced.He left Tuesday night and went to a friends house to give me space.While he was gone, I was able to collect my thoughts and make a decision that I should have made a long time ago.I love my husband with all my heart and soul, but I know he is not who I want to be with for the rest of my life.I have never had someone treat me as good as he has.I figure that I should end things now, and not string him along anymore than I already have.Not that I intended to hurt him, I just tried to talk myself into the "married life" and how it is the "right way to live".But after thinking about it, I have decided that society?makes us believe that marriage is the right thing to do.We have grown up thinking it is something we have to achieve in our lives.The final resting place next to death.And well, I just think that is bullshit. |
| And well, I just think that is bullshit.Years ago, people got married because they loved each other.That just doesn't seem the case now-a-days.People marry for security, money, the fear of being alone, or a change in their shitty lives in hopes that things will get better.The last one mentioned was the reason why I believe I got married.I knew I was the type who would never get married.I just tried to talk myself out my own gut feeling.Thinking it was the right thing to do.Now look where I am!I have hurt a good man and the sweetest thing in my life, my stepson.Although his mother says I can see him whenever I want....is it really healthy for him?Just one of the many questions I have among the typical "where do I go from here?" or, the most famous being,?"how the fuck did this happen??!!". |
| Just one of the many questions I have among the typical "where do I go from here?" or, the most famous being,?"how the fuck did this happen??!!".I am suprised at how well I am handling all of this.Today is my first day of having a drink.3 days later...Which is so far, just a beer (although I bought 12...one down, 11 more to go!=D).I have been trying to keep myself busy.I cleaned my whole house top to bottom tonight after what seemed to be a long days work (even though it?was?only?5 hours).Candles are?burning....house looking and smelling good.I have lost 2 parents, faced time in jail,?watched loved ones come and go, and this is by far the hardest thing I have?done.I have barely ate anything in 3 days, I'm just not hungry.?But I am sure I will be okay =).I am pretty scared about what the future holds for me....especially financially. |
| I am pretty scared about what the future holds for me....especially financially.I mean, I have a good job, it doesn't pay as well as I would like it to, but it is something.I fear what is in store for me. Will I return to my old lifestyle?Drinking like a fish, getting involved in meaningless relationships again?Cuz, uhhh, I will NEVER get?married again.EVEN if I meet?"Mr. Perfect for me".But when I think about it, I don't believe I will ever be able?to settle?down with someone.I am too selfish and set in my ways.My friends and?family ALWAYS come first.They have been there for me thru thick and thin and I have experienced losing?them for some asshole man in the past.I swore I would never do it again.So far I have kept that promise. |
| So far I have kept that promise.Most guys don't like that.But I could give a shit less =).The door is?right there!Use it if need be!But for a closing....I would just like to say to everyone who has listened to me vent and bitch and cry...Thank You.I am sure you are tired of hearing it, as I am tired?of talking about it.I appreciate all?of the love and support I have received.I love you guys!??Oh...and thank you for all of you who have kept from telling me "I told you so".Thank you for keeping my feelings in consideration and letting me hold onto my pride a lil longer..... |
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Last Updated ( Thursday, 17 July 2008 )
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